Authentic connection gets stuck at zucchini bread assumptions.

The other day, my friend was over and she was getting ready to leave when I offered her to take home some of the zucchini bread I made.

She grabbed a piece for her and her kiddo then said, “that’s all, thank you!”

And what did I do? I pushed her to take more. “No, no! Here! Take more! I made it to share!” I said as I grabbed a bigger Tupperware container.

I assumed that she was being “polite” and didn’t want to take too much.

I decided I knew what she really wanted instead of simply listening to her words.

It was a small moment but it revealed something bigger.

Because how often do we do this?
We jump in to “help,” assuming it was what our partner needed, instead of asking first.
We hold back an invitation, assuming the other person won’t want to go, missing a perfect opportunity for connection.
We tell our children what they need and feel, neglecting to teach them how to tune into their own knowing.

And sometimes, like me and the zucchini bread, we ask but then barrel right past the answer.

We assume.
We interpret.
We decide we know what the other person wants.

The problem with this is that authentic connection gets stuck at the doorway of assumption.

For me, I know this pattern runs deep. It’s rooted in childhood experiences where I was told one thing but was seeing another... learning early on to sometimes not trust what the other person is saying.

So sometimes, my brain still tries to “fill in the gaps,” to interpret or guess instead of just receiving what’s right in front of me. Instead of trusting the person right in front of me.

What would it look like to take people at their word?
To trust them to know what they want or need: without second-guessing or “correcting” their response?

In that moment, I thought I was being generous or helpful. But generosity and helpfulness isn’t about what we think the other person wants. It’s about what the other person communicates that they want.

So here’s what I’m learning (again and again):

• Don’t assume someone doesn’t want something: just ask.

• Don’t assume I know what’s best for the other person: stay curious.

• And if I’ve asked: actually listen and honor their answer.

Because if we’re asking without listening or assuming without even asking - are we really offering support?

Or, are we pushing our own agenda?

Genuine support starts with curiosity and an openness to hear the answer. It grows when it stays rooted in honoring what the other person wants and needs.

So if you’re wondering whether someone wants support? Ask.
If you’re about to decide what’s best for someone? Pause.
And if you’ve asked? Listen. Fully, honestly, without trying to “fix” or push more zucchini bread on them.

Because when we lead with curiosity instead of control, connection gets a whole heck of a lot easier and more authentic.