“The work” isn’t about having a feelings free life. It’s about being free from the grip of the feelings.

Choosing to explore our inner thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and patterns is often referred to as “the work.”

For me, I stumbled into "the work" about 18 years ago when life as I knew it turned upside down: devastating loss, addiction, and trauma tangled its way into my “normal” life.

I quietly sank into deep depression completely consumed by never ending sadness, even when everything on the outside may have seemed fine.

I often say I came to a point where I didn’t have a choice except to face the uncomfortable feelings. What’s also true is that I didn’t always face them head-on.

Sometimes, I didn’t get off the couch all day.
Sometimes, I avoided, internalized, or over-worked myself.
Sometimes, I self-medicated and hoped the noise in my head would quiet down (only for it to amplify).

But the truth is: what we resist, persists.
The anger piles up and out.
The pain consumes us.
The sadness tightens its grip.

For me, it wasn’t one singular moment that changed everything. It was learning, over time, to pause and look inward. To make the choice, and continue to make the choice, one day at a time, every single day.

Not alone.
Not perfectly.
Not gracefully.
But consistently enough to notice the hold... the hold that those “uncomfortable” feelings can have over me: the pain, the sadness, the worry, the anger.

Because here’s another truth: Our feelings aren’t who we are. We don’t have to identify with them. Just like the clouds in the sky, they’re visitors, and we get to choose whether we let them take over or not.

It doesn’t mean we won't have uncomfortable feelings. But if we lean into the discomfort when those feelings show up, we’re able to navigate with a little more calm and presence...and we choose to loosen the grip.

We embrace the sadness, the anger, the worry.
We embody the knowing that they won’t last forever.
And we begin to trust that we are never alone and always being guided.

That’s the kind of life “the work” can lead us to. Not one without the uncomfortable feelings, but a life where we make the choice that they do not control us.

Looking for a way to start?

Start with 5 minutes a day to pause, turn inward, and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

Here’s how:

1. Find a quiet space, even for a few minutes.

2. Ask yourself gently:

   • What am I feeling right now?

   • Where do I feel it in my body?

   • Is there anything I’m avoiding or resisting?

3. Name it without trying to change it: “sadness,” “numbness,” “anger,” “tension.”

4. Remind yourself: “This feeling is not who I am. It’s just visiting.”

5. Breathe into it, and give yourself permission to feel… without fixing.

You’ve got this,
Emily